Okay, so I was on a roll with this one! Here are several more myths and truths about our roles in service to others.
The helping professions involve sacrifice.
Sacrifice is synonymous with loss and disadvantage. If we feel we have given up something that is of value to us, we will begin to feel depleted and drained. Now you are on the path to burnout. Giving freely from a place of love is not a sacrifice. Service can be reciprocal in that as you give to others, you are replenished and energized. This happens when we are fully engaged.
You must separate your personal and professional lives.
Another impossibility. Think instead in terms of presence. Be present and engaged with what you are doing and who you are with in the moment. It is okay if you continue to think about a certain situation you experienced at work when you get home or to be affected by a personal problem when you go to work. Do what you can in the moment to minimize worry and come back to what is right in front of you.
You will be fatigued and traumatized as you express compassion and act as witness to the lives of others.
Compassion is an expression of love and cannot make us tired. Anything that arises from love is energizing and life giving. If you feel tired as a result of your service to others, ask yourself what you are really feeling and thinking. Are you afraid of what you have witnessed? Are you triggered personally by another’s story? Do you feel a sense of responsibility to take away their pain? Compassion allows us to see others as capable and strong even when they may not see it – and this will not make you tired. Worry makes you tired. Fear makes you tired. Overextension makes you tired.
You will inevitably experience burnout as a helping professional.
It is true that helping professions comes with a high risk of burnout, but it is not inevitable. Attend to your own needs as much as you do to the needs of others – personally and professionally. If you stay connected to and honour yourself, you will be the first to know what you need to care for yourself.
You are only effective if you see change in the lives of others and the circumstances around you.
Change can be a very slow process and sometimes it can be difficult to see the impact of your service outside of yourself. Watch for transformation within. Pay attention to how you are impacted by the work you do. What new insights arise? Your growth process is important too.
You will never be able to change the system.
Systems do not exist outside of us. We make up the systems we find ourselves working and living within. Instead of making it your goal to change the system, which will inevitably have you looking for external evidence, focus on how you can shift within the system. Seek evidence of change from within. As you grow and learn, you will contribute to the systems you are a part of in ways that will lead to change both internally and eventually externally.
Helping Professionals are special people.
Anybody else cringe when they hear this? We are all special in our own unique way. Helping professionals are people who are inspired to work with others and usually come with a sense of curiosity about the human condition and a desire to contribute to the world around them through service to others.
As a helping professional, you are here to empower others.
You really cannot give other people power. Your ability to cultivate a sense of personal power and to stand firmly in that place creates the space for others to realize their power. You can facilitate the experience of power or you can impede it.
You must have time and space outside of your work in order to connect to yourself and care for yourself.
It is true that we all need time and space for self-connection and self-care. When you first begin to develop habits of self-reflection and wellness, you will likely take time out of your regular routine to establish a practice. However, eventually, you can learn to be mindfully aware of who you are and what you need in the moment. Self-connection can happen as you live your life and does not need to be reserved for solitary walks in the bush.
Strong boundaries in helping relationships mean that you “should” only experience certain feelings.
All feelings are allowed. There will be times when you feel more closely connected or in contrast – disconnected – to the people you provide service to. This is also true of your colleagues. Having strong boundaries are important and crucial in all of our relationships in order to maintain integrity and self-compassion. Strong boundaries allow you to honour your own heart and your own needs without dampening your ability to be emotionally present and involved with others.
Let’s get started!
Which one of these statements strikes the deepest chord with you? I’d love to hear your reactions!
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